Happy Childhoods


 Is there something like a truly happy childhood ? Does it exist ? And if it does, where would thin this magical landscape lie? Even more enticing question: how does one get there ? Is there a magic formula ?
Well, after all my work, ploughing through (ten) thousands of hours of childhood memories, reflections, pains, wounds, traumas – and of course, also light moments with hints of bliss and a sense of belonging – it would seem kind of unlikely, to say the least, that the happy childhood really and truly exists. Maybe it si wiser to regard it more like an ideal or an beautiful idea, something certainly worth striving etter, especially if one considers ione´s own chilldren and the inevitable question of how to give the best possible frame of becoming their best possible human beings.
But if, if , if a happy childhood really exists, then I have yet to read of a better one than
the one described by Gerald Durrell. He has documented the central part of it in three books: My family and other animals, Birds, Beasts and Relatives and The Garden of the Gods, must be among the most enchanting childhood memories that have been written. If there ever was an account of a positive psychology childhood in motion, I would vote for those books.
The question that poses itself, of course, is: what are the ingredients that have created such a blissfullness ? Are there external cirumstances that might facilitate this kind of happiness ?
I might come back to that later, as I am tired now (I have had quite a few hours of looking into quite a few childhood, not quite that happy, today). But just briefly, for the record: the ingredient that seems to stand out for me in those books, is the sense of genuine freedom with which Gerald roams out and about. It seems to bring forth a form of serendipity - a type of happiness that per definition shows up while (and because !) one is NOT looking or striving for it. Another key ingredient seems to be the child´s unrestrained curiosity. This might be a good reminder for us in times where children are constantly «busied» towards some kind of achievment or activity. Childhood is archetypically speaking NOT about structure, frames, goals. Think about school systems. Without wanting to be overly critcal (many people are doing their best, no doubt): children are being pressed into boxes that are meant to form them in a particular way (Summerhill School in England might be the only example I know of that seems to steer somewhat clear of those traps). I often think that we might dispose of (normal) schools all together. Or at least reduce them to something less, so there is enough space, time, freedom to discover one´self (or maybe: One´s Self), playfull and by serendipity.
The interesting og somewhat logical thing is how it seems that a childhood of that kind actually does seem to lead to a happy , read: fully self-realized and fun live as an adult.
There should be a book (my book titles No 976) called: Magical Childhood, Truley Enchanting Stories fra an Land that Does Exist




Father, Son

Over the years, I have developed a deep respect for the magical potentials inherent in every family tree.Those deep reaching roots of ancestry are more tightly and deeply woven into each other than we can possibly imagine. Conventional (and even more advanced systems) psychology has it all  wrong:  in essence family trees are NOT about  the entanglement, NOT about the baggage that is passed down through the generations. It´s about the exact contrary: it ´s about the gifts. Every single ancestor, deepvdown the line, holds a specific gift for the next generations, and is intent to individuals to discover, unravel, make use of the gifts. Also here my basic assumption to all so-called problems applies: all problems are nothing but yet unrealized potentials. Period.
In that spirit: here is a song/video av Peter Gabriel that involves several generations of his family tree. The song in itself to symbolize a realizing and understanding of the link of the  potentials as they are passed from generation to generation. . 




Reading as an Integral Part of Therapy



In  traditional therapeutic processes, reading assignments are not part of the regular work agenda. What a loss ! In my experience, reading ”the right material” alongside therapeutic sessions can potentially act as major catalyst for fueling THE WORKS toward health and wholeness.
What makes the reading experience so valuable alongside the individual sessions ? It’s quite simple, really: when the client reads,  (s)he is actively 
participating  in the seeking and finding process. Reading thus stimulates the clients own inner therapist. After all, this is what therapy is really ALL
about: awakening the patients own capacity to become more and more their own therapist. In my understanding of the therapeutic process the external therapist really just functions as a mirror that is meant to reflect back to the client their own capacity to seek and find. I have said it before and say it again: the goal of all therapy is to make the therapist redundant.
Ultimately, reading is about seeking and finding.  The reader is -if (s)he is aware of it or not- in essence trying to find pieces of her/himSelf in every word or sentence that is being read. Each book can potentially provide pieces to the large puzzle of Life. Life IS puzzling, no need to argue. That is precisely why we are searching for those pieces. The more we find, the less puzzling and the more coherent the whole picture becomes becomes. 
It might be important to note that this applies in principle for all kind of books, not only those that are explicitly focused on Self- development. 
In the first instance, it would  be up to the the therapist to select the appropriate reading materials for the client, based on where (s)he perceives the patient to 
be on their journey. What kind of reading input might support  and extent the material and explorations that are taken up in the course of the individual session ?Reading assignments that meet the patient ”where they are " can thus fuel the work and carry it further, add new dimensions. It could in that sense be considered an Art and Craft on the therapist part to select the right material, something that  fits like a hand in a glove.
A last final remark on that note: most effective in the sense we have discussed here, is daily reading, in small portions.
Do you read me ?
(Nope, you always only just read your Self !)

Hokusai on Life's Better Half

I have always postulated that Life's second half (astrologically the years 42 +) is Life's better half
The great Japanese painter Hokusai confirmed this with this great quote:
“I have been in love with painting ever since I became conscious of it at the age of six.  I drew some pictures I thought fairly good when I was fifty, but really nothing I did before the age of seventy was of any value at all.  At seventy-three I have at least caught every aspect of nature–birds, fish, animals, insects, trees, grasses, all.  When I am eighty I shall have developed still further and I will really master the secrets of art at ninety.  when I reach a hundred my work will be truly sublime and my final goal will be attained around the age of one hundred and ten, when every line and dot I draw will be imbued with life.”“I have been in love with painting ever since I became conscious of it at the age of six.  I drew some pictures I thought fairly good when I was fifty, but really nothing I did before the age of seventy was of any value at all.  At seventy-three I have at least caught every aspect of nature–birds, fish, animals, insects, trees, grasses, all.  When I am eighty I shall have developed still further and I will really master the secrets of art at ninety.  when I reach a hundred my work will be truly sublime and my final goal will be attained around the age of one hundred and ten, when every line and dot I draw will be imbued with life.”